Onstage, it was a few cabaret songs, everything inspired by him, directly or indirectly. This was getting to be a regular thing for her; a gathering of the tribes. Not that she could tell the difference between friends and the people she had met out on the road and in the city, maybe some of them considered themselves her fans. If you perform often enough, everyone will come around. As if of you had never left the piazza in Rome, or Washington Square, and just let the world come to you. And the world was in the audience that night. She'd walk away with some money, a few good reviews, and a sense that there were more strangers in the audience than family. And there he was, sitting right out in front, where she could see him.
But she wasn't sure until the break that it even WAS him. He'd disappeared for years. And he looked different, lost weight off his already skinny frame. She couldn't tell if it was better or worse.
"Meet my fiancée,"
Her heart dropped into the bottom of the earth, but she didn't miss a beat.
"Congratulations!! When's the lucky day??"
"Well, we haven't set it yet. All his god kids seem to be getting married .... And every time we pick a date, it ends up being too.."
"Yeah, we're just amazingly lucky to be surrounded by so many happy couples!!"
"Um, yeah,"
She recognized the humiliation in the poor fiancée 's eyes and immediately decided to be on her side. The wedding had often been close to not happening many times, his lack of commitment and fear of changing anything. The poor woman was so close to being free, to being lucky, but was completely blind. And too heartbroken to fall out of love now.
Heartache gets to be a feeling that one grows to know well. And when you tell yourself that it is equal to love, to HIS love, then it is hard to break away. One smile from complete and utter happiness. And he smiles less and less often. Well, not at you.
If she had been hooked up to a lie detector, or heart monitor, her body would have easily betrayed her.
It was only as she walked away that she realized that her body had been in PANIC mode. Eyes dilated, sweat sprang up suddenly, like driving through a Stop light, and then awaiting impact from the phantom autos headed her way. But when she took a breath, she had to remind herself how lucky she was. To get away.
Even he could tell she wasn't buying the story about postponing wedding dates. And neither was his fiancee. He wasn't in love with this woman, she wasn't The One. She was just the one to be taking care of him right now. If he were smarter, he'd grab her. Make her commit to him legally, the solid gold handcuffs in the shape of a single wedding ring.
So he shifted the conversation to her current charade.
"Speaking of happy couples, how long have you been with him?" He indicated the flamboyant man in the black suit who was flirting with the young sound engineer.
From a distance, she hoped that her "date" resembled a sophisticated lounge singer who may not have been entirely gay. Until he put his arm around the boy, he might have even passed for bisexual. She couldn't tell if the question was as sincere as it sounded. You'd think that even a straight man, with 70 years of experience would be suspicious of a fabulous man who could arrange Broadway show tunes into power ballads. But she was nonplussed to see that the Rock Star seemed vaguely peeved, which was as close as he could get to admitting jealousy.
"Oh, I've known him about a year or so. And, yes, we ARE happy! Much too happy to get MARRIED!!" she was careful to overdo the emphasis so that it could all be passed off as a joke.
If this conversation were being played out on a Scrabble board, she would have gotten a triple word score. Funny, evasive and insulting all at the same time. But they both walked away from the exchange feeling as if they were performing in a scene they had never agreed to. She made an excuse about getting back on stage, and he graciously began to let her go.
And then he whispered the words that made her nearly cry, "Go get 'em, kid!" A simple thing he used to say before they'd get on stage together.
"Can I invite you up?"
"It's your night. Besides, I'm not ready. I couldn't."
"Are you fishing? Should I insist harder?"
"No, really, I haven't sung in a while. My voice isn't . . ."
"Next time then,"
She shrugged, half embarrassed and half relieved. He'd steal the spotlight, certainly. But it was politically the right thing to do. Not that anyone in the audience even recognized him. And then the absence hit her. as if her body were suddenly hollow. He wouldn't be on stage with her ever again. Maybe she'd mention that. At least.
Thankfully, by the time she got back onstage, someone else had taken over their seats. He had walked out on her show. Maybe he was sick. Or maybe just an asshole.
In between songs, she became more honest. One mournful song was introduced in a new way.
"Once upon a time, there were two people. They loved each other, but they could never quite get along. He wanted to live in the country and sing around the fire. And she wanted to be where there were people. It sounds like such a cliche, until it happens to you."
Castles in the Air by Don McLean
But she wasn't sure until the break that it even WAS him. He'd disappeared for years. And he looked different, lost weight off his already skinny frame. She couldn't tell if it was better or worse.
"Meet my fiancée,"
Her heart dropped into the bottom of the earth, but she didn't miss a beat.
"Congratulations!! When's the lucky day??"
"Well, we haven't set it yet. All his god kids seem to be getting married .... And every time we pick a date, it ends up being too.."
"Yeah, we're just amazingly lucky to be surrounded by so many happy couples!!"
"Um, yeah,"
She recognized the humiliation in the poor fiancée 's eyes and immediately decided to be on her side. The wedding had often been close to not happening many times, his lack of commitment and fear of changing anything. The poor woman was so close to being free, to being lucky, but was completely blind. And too heartbroken to fall out of love now.
Heartache gets to be a feeling that one grows to know well. And when you tell yourself that it is equal to love, to HIS love, then it is hard to break away. One smile from complete and utter happiness. And he smiles less and less often. Well, not at you.
If she had been hooked up to a lie detector, or heart monitor, her body would have easily betrayed her.
It was only as she walked away that she realized that her body had been in PANIC mode. Eyes dilated, sweat sprang up suddenly, like driving through a Stop light, and then awaiting impact from the phantom autos headed her way. But when she took a breath, she had to remind herself how lucky she was. To get away.
Even he could tell she wasn't buying the story about postponing wedding dates. And neither was his fiancee. He wasn't in love with this woman, she wasn't The One. She was just the one to be taking care of him right now. If he were smarter, he'd grab her. Make her commit to him legally, the solid gold handcuffs in the shape of a single wedding ring.
So he shifted the conversation to her current charade.
"Speaking of happy couples, how long have you been with him?" He indicated the flamboyant man in the black suit who was flirting with the young sound engineer.
From a distance, she hoped that her "date" resembled a sophisticated lounge singer who may not have been entirely gay. Until he put his arm around the boy, he might have even passed for bisexual. She couldn't tell if the question was as sincere as it sounded. You'd think that even a straight man, with 70 years of experience would be suspicious of a fabulous man who could arrange Broadway show tunes into power ballads. But she was nonplussed to see that the Rock Star seemed vaguely peeved, which was as close as he could get to admitting jealousy.
"Oh, I've known him about a year or so. And, yes, we ARE happy! Much too happy to get MARRIED!!" she was careful to overdo the emphasis so that it could all be passed off as a joke.
If this conversation were being played out on a Scrabble board, she would have gotten a triple word score. Funny, evasive and insulting all at the same time. But they both walked away from the exchange feeling as if they were performing in a scene they had never agreed to. She made an excuse about getting back on stage, and he graciously began to let her go.
And then he whispered the words that made her nearly cry, "Go get 'em, kid!" A simple thing he used to say before they'd get on stage together.
"Can I invite you up?"
"It's your night. Besides, I'm not ready. I couldn't."
"Are you fishing? Should I insist harder?"
"No, really, I haven't sung in a while. My voice isn't . . ."
"Next time then,"
She shrugged, half embarrassed and half relieved. He'd steal the spotlight, certainly. But it was politically the right thing to do. Not that anyone in the audience even recognized him. And then the absence hit her. as if her body were suddenly hollow. He wouldn't be on stage with her ever again. Maybe she'd mention that. At least.
Thankfully, by the time she got back onstage, someone else had taken over their seats. He had walked out on her show. Maybe he was sick. Or maybe just an asshole.
In between songs, she became more honest. One mournful song was introduced in a new way.
"Once upon a time, there were two people. They loved each other, but they could never quite get along. He wanted to live in the country and sing around the fire. And she wanted to be where there were people. It sounds like such a cliche, until it happens to you."
Castles in the Air by Don McLean
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