Her karaoke chops were beginning to pay off. (Her range exceeded her grasp.)
They had been slightly obsessed with an album, and in the car, he could get away with sounding terrible or creating a guitar or piano arrangement for her.
But M had shown up, like he always did. That brother who was more charming, a better singer, and wanting whatever P had.
The song changed from a car song to a stage song when they were fooling around with the records at the party. P struggled to keep up, vocally, even at the party. She wore a wig and they wore funny hats. It wasn't a costume party, but there were costumes around, or maybe they had raided the guest bedroom with the pile of coats and hats for the party.
She did a fierce DWWashburn, and even M swore he could never do the song again. He was impressed. And as usual, if you can't beat em, join em. M quickly tried to recruit her, but she had her own loyalties, and grabbed P by the arm for the trios.
It might have even been her idea. It worked for a while, and they all had fun. The song changed from something they sang into the sunsets on the road into something covered in glitter, champagne, cheap tinsel and sequins.
And then into the sparkling lights of the city at night. They were asked to do a benefit at JALC, then it was a few nights.
It didn't hit him (P) until he saw them across the room. M was making her laugh.
The hovering voice in his head (P), turned into the theme from a horror movie.
The ring case was in his pocket, he had been going to ask her. A few weeks now, waiting for the right moment. (Turns out the right moment was when she was still laughing AT M, not with him) It was always too late with him.
The only place he had ever felt like he properly belonged was with her, and even then, only on stage. He wanted to believe it was everywhere, but looking at them he feared his connection to her was so thin.
His Buddhist & AA self calmed him down. It was his wanting something in the world that was impossible. He needed to stop caring. Or he would be spending his nights "singing the blues". Which he would anyway.
He was used to feeling out of place. M made sure to let him know he was the least talented, he was only hired for being pretty and having good teeth. And now, even those were gone.
She came to him that night, all sunny and sparkling, her voice sounding so beatifully heartbreaking. She told him about M's agent, and how they were working on recording a song or two, and then an album.
He buried the ring case in the bottom of his suitcase.
What were all these love songs about anyway? Why do people drive themselves crazy over someone? Trying to convince them to want to impose your will in someone else. A little band of gold that she'd never say yes to. Not now, probably not before.
He looked out the window and planned his escape for early the next morning.
They were miles away from that lovely fall day in Lexington. When they were lost. And she told him she'd be happy to be lost with him forever.
